I Got Sober....Eight Years Ago Today!
I have not had a drink or a drug in 8 years. That’s 96 months, 417 weekends, 2923 days or 70,140 hours. Hard to believe! I never thought I could make it past 1 single weekend, let alone 417. So here I am today, feeling incredibly blessed and grateful.
I was the kind of alcoholic that craved attention and reassurance. I was constantly comparing myself to others and if I didn’t seem ‘better’ than them, I kept drinking and drugging until I did. I didn't like myself. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. I didn’t even know what my own skin felt like. I had been numbing myself since I was 16 years old.
I was chasing this figurative person I desperately wanted to be. This person had all the pretty girls, he had all the friends, it seemed like he had all the money in the world. This person wore fancy clothes and never waited in line for anything. This person was so 'cool', he flew all over the world to party and impress onlookers. The scary part of my story; I caught up with that person and I hated his guts. I hated what my life had become. I had become that person and truth was, he wasn’t that cool. In fact, he was a very lost and sick dude!
Facts of My Alcoholism:
I was $100K in credit card debt
My friends didn’t want to be around me anymore
I was hanging out with sketchy ‘druggy’ people
I was living in a city I despised
I was not nice, I was an egotistical dick
My parents didn’t want me around
I was morally bankrupt
Every time I went to sleep, I would have nightmares about dying
I was days away from losing my job
I was doing drugs daily and drinking nightly
I needed help, serious help! I started to pray. I was desperate. Fake attempts to get sober, busted deals with myself and God every weekend: Ie: I promise not to do drugs, I’ll only drink beer tonight, were not working. I needed treatment!
God answered my prayers. My body gave out on me in March of 2010. I ended up in the hospital and 24 hours later I was in rehab for alcohol and drug abuse treatment. I was on my way to recovery...
I can’t begin to tell you how incredible my life has been since getting sober. Promises have come true for me in every sense of the imagination. I listened to other people who got sober before me. I wanted it so bad, I was willing to do whatever. I did what others told me to do: I stayed away from old playgrounds and play friends, I found new friends and a new life. The obsession to drink and drug quickly disappeared and it was then apparent that I needed to learn how to live sober.
It’s funny, after spending my entire twenties and early thirties chasing this ‘guy’ I thought I wanted to be, I am now chasing my true self, the guy I'm supposed to be. I can honestly say that, ‘I like me’. I like who I have become. Everyday I learn a little something new and different about myself.
People that don’t understand what a sober alcoholic is? I am the true definition of a happy sober alcoholic and I have found a great abundance of joy in my sobriety. Thanks for letting me share on my anniversary.