What Would Your Sober Life Look Like?
I was the nightclub drunk and drug addict.
I had all the ‘friends’ that a guy wanted. I knew all the doormen and never had to wait in line, I thought I had everything I needed. I wanted to be out in the scene every night with the most ‘popular’ people, at the best table, surrounded by the prettiest girls and made sure I was at the best after-party.. I needed to be the ‘most special’ guy in the room. That was my life since I was 18. That was my normal! Sad, but that was all I knew for 14 years.
Safe to say the drive to treatment was one of the toughest moments of my life. I was terrified about what life outside of the drugs and alcohol looked like. How would I function on a Friday and Saturday night and the (more than) occasional Sunday thru Thursday nights?? I was not thinking about the wonderful sober life that stood in front of me. I was worried about what my life would not and could not be any more! And frankly that was awfully scary to me! What was my personality going to be like: funny, outgoing, confident, friendly, nice, smart? All of those attributes I so desperately wanted and really believed that drugs and alcohol gave them to me, I was worried I was going to lose.
I told everyone that once I got out of treatment, I was going to be that sober guy that still went out to the nightclubs with all of his (party) ‘friends.’ Only this time, I would be sober. I would pound energy drinks to keep up. I still so desperately wanted to be a part of that scene. I tried it for 2 months…
I realized something rather quickly: I absolutely hated it. I didn’t enjoy those ‘friends’ anymore.
They were not my friends. They didn’t respect my new found sobriety. They didn’t want to be around a guy that wasn’t drunk like them. I now despised the nightlife scene. I could only drink so many red bulls before getting pissed at everyone that was drinking, because I couldn’t participate.
I spent most of the night judging and building resentments; this clearly was not a good place for me and my sobriety. The music was so loud. I didn’t realize how small and uncomfortable the actual clubs were, how douchey everyone was and how bad everyone looked. It was shocking to me that that was my ‘normal’ for so many years. And you know what, the drunk girls weren’t even that pretty to me anymore! I was putting myself in a resentful state and it was not good for my early sobriety.
Early on, I prayed desperately for the obsession to drink to be taken away from me. I was now praying to find meaning in this new sober life of mine. I asked God and myself what was life supposed to be like for me, where was I going to be, how was I going to get there and for the immediate: what was I supposed to do on the weekends!!
I was lucky: The obsession to drink had been taken away from me, and the need to feel a part of that party scene was eventually replaced by the need to be a part of a deeper, more meaningful scene; a sober life. I started to attend A.A. Meetings all over the city in hopes of finding that meaning and becoming a part of that something.
That’s when I met my friends in A.A. My sober friends and the fellowship of the program started to really become a big part of my sober life in those first few months. I also started to learn the sober slogans that were plastered all over the walls. They now had meaning to me and I could apply them to all of the difficult situations I was going through hour by hour, day by day. “Let go and let God’ was a concept I quickly grasped on to. “Nothing changes if nothing changes” and ‘change your play friends and playgrounds’ really hit home for me during those early days. Because I spent my time in the AA rooms and in healthy places; I found a new life, a new outlook and an amazing group of friends.
I love my sober life. It has been an incredible sober journey with it’s definite ups and downs.
The lows are never that low and the highs are certainly not as high as they used to be and that’s OK for me. I am so much happier now in sobriety than I ever have been in life before.
I have a handful of amazing friends that I would do anything for. I no longer care about being the ‘coolest guy’ in the room. I don’t even care about being noticed or being special. I just want to live a decent, happy and quiet life. I genuinely believe that I am living the life I am supposed to and being the person God intended for me to be. My personality that I thought alcohol and drugs gave me is now enhanced by my sobriety and I haven’t lost an ounce of it.